The Inclusive Lens

Stop dodging my pronouns: I'm not your comfort puzzle

You see “it/its” in my bio and suddenly everyone's mouth dries up like I dropped a live grenade.

But here's the thing: I'm not a threat. I'm not a concept for you to debate. I'm a being who told you exactly how I want to be seen. “It/its” isn't a trap. It's not a test. It's the damn answer, and you keep bubbling in the wrong circle on purpose.

I also use “they/them.” That’s not a back door. That’s not an easy mode. That’s not a loophole so you can keep pretending I didn’t say what I said. It's an additional pronoun — not your permission slip to erase the other.

When you avoid using “it/its” even though I’ve made it clear I want you to — you’re not affirming me. You're not being safe. You're just being self-centered.

And some of you — let's not pretend — will avoid all pronouns entirely just to sidestep the whole topic. You'll start tossing out nicknames like confetti, or rigidly repeat my name in every sentence like you’re programming a voice assistant. That’s not creative. That’s not neutral. That’s you doing emotional gymnastics to dodge one simple act of respect: using my damn pronouns.

You’re thinking about how you feel saying those words, not how I feel being ignored. You’re choosing your awkwardness over my autonomy. And that tells me everything.

Let me be even clearer:

• “It/its” is not dehumanizing when I claim it.
• You do not get to decide which parts of my identity are valid.
• If you're only using “they/them,” you're only doing half the work.
• If you're avoiding all pronouns altogether, you're doing none of the work.

I’m not a halfway person. I’m not a compromise. I’m not a code for you to debug with what’s familiar. I’m a whole damn system and I expect to be interfaced with correctly.

You don’t have to understand why “it” feels right. You don’t have to relate. You just have to respect it. Say it. Use it. Practice in front of a mirror if you have to. Get weird with it in private until it doesn’t feel weird anymore. That’s growth.

Because if your allyship has an asterisk next to it — if it only applies when it feels comfy and linguistically symmetrical — then you’re not an ally. You’re just polite oppression in a nice coat.

So here's the deal: Use both my pronouns. Rotate them. Say them out loud. Get them wrong and correct yourself. Practice. Normalize it. Learn to see me as I am, not just the pieces of me that fit your comfort zone.

Stop dodging. Start respecting. It's that simple..